One of the more remarkable surveys I’ve read about was the
one asking women to rank “talking about money with their [male] partner/spouse”
against a list of other activities. I
don’t remember all the choices, but I do remember that 64% of women would
rather go to the dentist than talk to their spouse about money.
My conclusion: 36% of women have a really bad dentist.
Seriously. I’m not
sure I know a woman who enjoys talking about money with her spouse, and that
includes my own lovely wife. I would go
so far as to say women in general do not like talking about money at all, with
anybody. It’s a chore, not unlike
cleaning the bathroom.
Would it surprise you to learn that in the wake of the
COVID-19 pandemic women have begun talking more with their families—spouse
included—about money? It shouldn’t. In a crisis, people typically want to talk to
someone, bounce ideas off others, or just express their fears and worries to
someone with a sympathetic ear. And that
is where you, guys, have a golden opportunity to step up and help your
significant other.
What is it that makes talking money with the husband such an
undesirable activity for the wife? I
suspect it largely rests with the tendency of men to either want to protect
their wife from the mundane details of finances or to believe their wife has no
interest in the subject. To be fair,
many women don’t want to know all the money details, especially investing, and
that is unfortunate. But many do and are
put off by the male know-it-all attitude or, frankly, our tendency to make it
more complicated that it needs to be.
So what can you do to make the woman in your life more
comfortable talking about finances?
1.
Don’t sugarcoat the situation. Be honest and forthright about the money
situation. Trust is at the heart of
every relationship.
2.
Remember she is your equal and treat her as
such. Oh, she may not know the
difference between a regular IRA and a Roth IRA (or she may surprise you!), but
that is not the determinant of value in the money discussion. Remember, her future is at stake, too.
3.
Honor
the perspective a woman can bring to a money discussion. I remember President Ronald Reagan purposely
surrounded himself with advisers who had differing opinions on critical
topics. It enabled him to see all sides
of a situation so he could make an informed decision. Your wife is your closest advisor and likely
sees things just a bit differently than you.
Listen to her.
4.
Loosen up—or tighten down. I have tendency to take a harsh line with
money decisions. Dare I say
“cheapskate”? I make what I think are
logical decisions and don’t always let my human sympathy play a part. My wife softens that side of me. I think I shocked her last night when I told
her that in retirement I might stop tracking our gifts expenditures for the
grandkids as a budget item. You must
understand, that is a radical decision for me.
I track everything and have filled notebooks with the financial details
of our lives. But if we are comfortable
with how our finances look for the next 30 years, why stress over one more
column in my ledger book? Nor do I want
to stereotype here. In some couples the
cheapskate is the wife and the husband brings the softer touch. A lot depends on our upbringing. Either way, be open to your wife’s influence. She’s in your life for a purpose.
5. Avoid The Money Talk. You notice, I don’t say avoid talking about money. You NEED to talk about money. But don’t save the discussion for a one-time, let’s-have-it-out-now event. Talking about money needs to be a normal event, not a dreaded confrontation. Make it a part of your routine, perhaps a once-a-month evening out to talk about finances, or even over candlelight supper at home. Don’t make it an ominous, threatening event.
Until next time,
Roger
“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is
united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24*
*Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New
International Version® NIV®
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™
Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
