Visit my financial coaching/education website at LastWordOnMoney.com.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, so naturally our thoughts are turning to love and romance and that special person in our life or that we dream of being in our life romantically. I can envision a new couple, out on the town for a date, still sizing up each other as they sit down for an intimate dinner at a swanky restaurant. All sorts of things can still derail their nascent love. Bad manners, bad temper, bad breath, bad credit….
Wait! Bad credit?
As a predictor of relationship success, yes, bad credit is probably more
accurate than the other factors. Fortune
just published results of a survey of over 1000 married Americans taken by
Western & Southern Financial Group.
The intent was to find out how money issues can make or break a romantic
relationship. The results are telling.
“According
to the report,” wrote Fortune, “personal debt is the biggest financial
turnoff among both men and women.” This
was particularly true of those born between 1955 and 1980 (a combination of
Baby Boomers and Gen Xers). In what is
likely an indicator of changing attitudes toward debt or of the necessity of
carrying debt (such as student loans), those born between 1981 and 2004 exhibit
a more lenient attitude toward a potential partner’s load of debt. Overall, men cited a total outstanding debt
of $31,179 as being a turnoff. Women
were less forgiving: $22,901 is a deal-breaker for them. Uh-oh.
Although personal loans and credit card debt were bigger no-no’s,
someone seeking romance might want to examine their student loan status. The average amount of student loan debt in
this country has been steadily increasing and now stands at $37,574 for a
bachelor’s graduate. Maybe we should not
be surprised at how late in life people are marrying now, or even choosing not
to marry.
The
numbers began to diverge from there. The
second biggest financial turnoff for women (31%) is irresponsible
spending. For men assessing a woman, it is
financial illiteracy, at 28%.
The
survey’s authors went on to report that respondents said that they want their
partner to make no less than $29,878 (this was an average amount cited). This is well below the U.S. median salary of
$37,522 and amounts to about $14.36 per hour for someone working a 40-hour week
all year. Good thing for romance that
the minimum wage has been climbing. You
might sling hamburgers for a living these days and still have your chance at
love.
Some
other interesting findings:
Ø Forty percent of couple said they argue
about each other’s spending habits.
(That’s all??) And the couples
who verbally spar most often over money do so about salary and savings strategies.
Ø About one-third of couples said they did
not talk about money until after they married (particularly true of Baby
Boomers).
Ø Over 10% of millennials discussed their
debt with their potential partner before they even told him/her “I love you”.
Ø Nearly 13% of respondents talked with
their love interest about their salary in the first month of their
relationship; but 28% of Baby Boomers waited until after they were married.
Ø Couples with joint checking accounts
were the most likely to clash over spending habits.
It
is an illuminating survey of Americans’ mixed relationships with each other and
with money. Marriage counselors as a
whole say that communication issues and clashing values are what lead to most
divorces. But it is the fights over
money—how to make, save, or spend it—that are the most intense and the least
likely to be resolved. The lack of communication
and the disparity in values over finances probably sit at or near the top of
the causes for divorce in the United States.
As
someone who teaches and promotes financial literacy, both as a volunteer and as
a sideline business, this survey awakens me to something I should have realized
long ere this: NOBODY wants to talk about money. But EVERYBODY wants to talk about love. I could persuasively argue that every movie
made in America is about love; even John Wayne westerns and war movies have
some love or former love relationship worked into the plot. So I’ve gotten it wrong all these years. I shouldn’t advertise “Financial Literacy
Class”. I need to rebrand as “Finding
Your True Valentine”.
In
which case I probably need to revise my Disclaimer page:
Roger
Young is not a licensed marriage counselor or member of the clergy. The comments and opinions in this website and
blog and in his presentations are his own and do not represent those of any
other individual or company. They are
not intended to be, nor should they be construed as, relationship advice. Any relationship is subject to disagreements,
including relationship-ending arguments. Readers and clients are responsible for their
own actions and by reading his blog and engaging him as a coach agree that he
cannot be held liable for break-ups and divorces.”
So there!
Until next
time,
“Roger Young
“Dear friends,
let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and
knows God.” I John 4:7 NIV*
*Scripture quotations taken from the Holy Bible, New International
Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
