I was speaking with someone the other day who was bemoaning the use of guns and how quickly people resort to violence when they have disagreements or feel slighted or insulted in some way. Then he very unexpectedly said, “If only people would learn to say ‘I’m sorry’”.
That brought to mind an article I
read a dozen years ago or more in Hospitals and Health Networks, a publication
of the American Hospital Association.
The author of the article cited a study that showed hospitals that had
implemented an “accept the responsibility” policy in the face of potential malpractice
or personal injury lawsuits suffered less financially than those that vigorously
fought such lawsuits. The former had
adopted the practice of openly acknowledging mistakes they made and then
apologizing to the victims. This seemed
to have the effect of forestalling lawsuits and/or making the victims willing
to settle for much less in damages.
As you might imagine, there were
those—mostly lawyers, but many others, too—who railed against the idea of acknowledging
mistakes as a guaranteed way to go broke with the sure-to-follow multi-million
dollar damages awards in the courts. It
didn’t happen that way. Instead, by owning
up to their real mistakes (the hospitals did continue to fight what they
considered frivolous lawsuits) and showing compassion for the victims and their
families, the would-be litigants felt like their loss was acknowledged and their
worth recognized. They either dropped
their lawsuit, never brought one at all, or settled out of court for a modest
payment.
What’s true in the healthcare-legal
environment is true in our everyday interactions with others. Who of us would not respond positively to a
sincere “I’m sorry”? It’s disarming, it’s
affirming, and it can reverse the downward spiral of an emotional situation;
and in that sense it is empowering. Not
to turn it into a dollars-and-cents matter, but (after all, this is a blog
about personal finances) the emotional well-being and healing that that empowerment
generates goes a long way to promoting overall health—saving money in health
care expenses. Depression, anxiety, and other
conditions of poor mental health are more widespread than most people
realize. I saw that every day as an
insurance company representative working on patients’ claims.
Those other magical words, “please”
and “thank you”, should often flavor our conversations, too. In an ever more coarsening society where the
art of talking to one another is lost in the noise of electronics, the kindness
of a smile and an expression of gratitude to another person are priceless.
This Thanksgiving season and on
through Christmas and beyond, express gratitude…to others, to God. You likely also have reason to say “I’m sorry”
to at least one person, and certainly to God.
Just say it…and mean it.
Until next time,
Roger
“A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings
of silver.” Proverbs 25:11 New King James Version
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